“I’m going to die alone” is a common jokey rhetoric amongst singles. However, a recent study suggests that young single people are happier in general than their coupled counterparts. Spending more time with friends is one of the main reasons. But we reckon our friends – with Sex And The City as our spirit guide – also help us find out who we’re supposed to be with, and give us the confidence to wait for someone good enough.
Being single is hard after a while. There are only so many right swipes, crap OkCupid chats or awful dates you can get through before sitting back and being tempted to settle for the guy with Cheetos stuck in his teeth… Or the one who talks about his favourite video games while you buy the drinks all night… (we could go on.)
The perfect romantic relationship has to turn up sometime, though… right? It was promised in all the movies. Single young woman, perfectly eligible and possibly in quite dire straits, walks along and sits on a bench… then *poof*! Wild soul mate appears! You strike up a conversation, realise they’re everything you ever wanted, and after a few dates, you live happily ever after. Fancifully strewn rose petals, anniversary cards, and the big spoon to your little spoon all-inclusive.
But what if Sex And The City and all those terrible men (Aidan not included, obviously) were right about something? What if Carrie nailed it when she said about her friends: “Maybe we can be each other’s soulmates and then we can let men be just these great, nice guys to have fun with”? If your partners can’t love you the way your friends do and slot in without changing the dynamic – then really, what is the point in spending any great length of time with them?
The first thing your friends teach you about finding a partner is that unconditional love is an overworked cliché. Why love someone despite their flaws? Flaws are hilarious. Your raucous and wheezy, sloppy-drunk-in-the-bar-laugh is totally infectious. You’re a complete bitch when you first wake up, and that’s endearing. When you spend way too much on clothes, why wouldn’t they help organise the receipts, and then host a fashion show to determine which pieces to keep and which to return? Friends love the great things about you that you can’t see, and the things you hate about yourself to boot.
The next is how to escape a bad Tinder meet up. Woe betides any woman without a mate waiting on Whatsapp while you’re on a dreadful date. They’re there for the first impressions, the voice notes in the bathroom, and plausible escape routes. Plus, have you been speed dating with your mates yet? Go. It’s hysterical. Sitting in a line, knowing what they’re thinking – or about to think – of the guy you’re chatting to. Then the extremely thorough debrief at the end. They’re the second, third and fourth pairs of eyes and ears you needed to realise that those weren’t his bedroom eyes – he was literally just falling asleep. There are few better ways to spend an evening.
It’s strange how blind we can be on the precipice of making a terrible mistake. But your friends not only tell you straight out to open your eyes and not do the stupid thing or stay with the idiot who makes you feel awful. They’re also waiting with old RuPaul episodes, prawn crackers, and alcohol when everything turns out exactly as they knew it would. Would your partner do that? If not, is it really worth spending a lifetime dodging and diving their judgment?
The best friends book off time to see you. They surprise you outside your office with a smile and a cheeky tap of their watch. They’ll share and compare their deepest secrets and concerns in a safe space. In the end, if you think about it, you don’t need a partner. Especially if you take Samantha’s ‘Women are for friendship, men are for f*cking’ words for it. But unless you can find a guy who will do even 75% of what your friends do, or what you would do for your friends, why replace them with the ‘my husband is my best friend’ b*llocks? Why settle for dreaming about romance with a partner, when your friends do it so much better?
Words: Mimi Davies
Hashtags: #single #millennial #Tinder #friendship #love #soulmate