The wondrous (or dreaded) summer season is upon us. Not only do we have the pressures of achieving ‘bikini bods’ and sweat patches to contend with, but the bushtucker trials have commenced. (Yep. That’s a term. It’s in Urban Dictionary. Fact.)
As beautiful as we feel the female pudendum should be considered in her natural state, some might not be comfortable sporting full bush. That’s personal. But for those who want to wax at least some of what nature gave them, clear the strays, or be smooth as the day they were born, nothing beats a good wax by a trained professional. Though it can hurt, in our opinion hot waxing by a professional is still the best way to go – but if you’ve tried and hated it, here are other ways to feel as bald as Bruce Willis this beach season. But they’re not as good. Just sayin’.
Sugaring intrigued us. Not least because it sounds delicious, but mostly because it replaces tugging strips with the rubbing of bits to get rid of unwanted hairs. The hair removing paste is made with sugar, lemon juice and warm water. It binds to the hairs but not the skin, pulling the hair from the root. Hardly pain-free, if that’s why you’re looking for wax alternatives. Plus, it might take more than one session to remove all hairs, as the sugar paste doesn’t always remove everything. To be honest, we’d rather she just got the hot wax out…
With all the pressure to be bald as a baby at your body’s basement, a neat trim is often overlooked. Using a lady’s electric trimmer (our favourite is this one from Braun), you can go to town without fear of nicking, slipping, or (God forbid) cutting anything you’d rather not. It doesn’t take a topiary carving skill set and is a super quick fix to avoid that bush imprint through your bikini. Plus, it’s a nice way to keep things tidy for your partner should you wish to. The regrowth is horrible though.
Trim first, shave next. Getting a wet razor through full grown pubes before trimming them first would be like chopping down a rainforest versus mowing a lawn. But as much as shaving gives a similar effect to a hot wax, it does for about ten seconds. Okay, a few hours, but again – once that 5 o’clock shadow starts coming in it’s so damn itchy you’ll be back in the shower again. Straining your neck and throwing your legs behind your head, questioning the meaning of life.
So this is an option, sure, but if you hate waxing we have no idea how anyone could find this better. A rotating wheel of many individual tweezers, epilation hurts like little bursts of Hell’s hot brimstone being injected by Satan’s personal army of fire ants. But aside from the excruciating pain (if you can get through that, we salute you), the irritation bumps, and possible mild bleeding, you’ll get a similar result to a wax. It’s just that by the time you finish (it takes forever), we’re pretty sure summer will be over.
Hair removal creams
Waste of time. Waste. Of. Time. Unless you’ve got hair finer than the width of an atom and you’re willing to sit around, naked from the waist down, smelling your pubes burn away, we don’t understand the point of hair removal creams, aside from swindling you out of your hard-earned cash. Bin it. Hiss at it while it’s in the bin. It is evil bottled.
You know how in the Irvine Welsh novel Crime he describes the tendrils of a woman’s pubic hair peeking out of the side of her knickers as erotic? How lovely is that? Where have we gone wrong as a society? Sigh. But alas, if the smoother route is more to your fancy, then be bold, be bald (or partially bald)… but get a hot wax to achieve it.
Words: Mimi Davies
Hashtags: #summer #grooming #waxing #sugaring #hair #removal #ready #epilating